医学,我的选择

永远的华西2018-10-19 11:38:56

译者序


与英姐的交流总是那样从容和轻松:从行医到做饭,从维名到儿女情长,从做义工到医学教育...... 有一次我们聊到医学教育中的人文教育,有很多感慨,决定把女儿申请医学院的personal statement 翻译出来,分享与朋友们。抛砖引玉,不仅期待更多的校友分享华西二代的学医心路,也希望中国医学教育更加重视人文教育,培养更多的“有时去治愈,常常去帮助,总是去安慰”的医者。


女儿潇潇从小就比较独立,有自己的主张。高中时一心只想当长笛演奏家;本科时转了几次专业,选课从国际关系学到生物工程,从欧洲艺术史到心理学,好在四年毕业了。她到一个认知心理的著名实验室做研究生不到一年,感觉这不是最心仪的专业,转而去申请医学院,开启了她的漫漫探索。下面是她的申请的原文和译文。祝福她找到自己的选择,祈盼她用耐心和毅力去积跬步存细流,直到真正地成为一名医者。


Medicine is the balance between my emotional side and my logical side -- my pathos and my logos. I first became interested in neuroscience and medicine via an unconventional route: by listening to Mahler. As a listener, I was taken by the lush harmonies of the Adagietto from Mahler’s Fifth Symphony: Pathos. As a scientist, I wondered how simple harmonics from oscillating strings could induce the brain to experience deep, inexplicable emotions: Logos. How then, could these physical vibrations be used not only to produce deeply moving aesthetic experiences for people, but also to heal pathologies of the body and mind? Pathos and logos, I had to have both. I had to have one to fuel the other.


对我而言,医学是情感和逻辑之间的平衡,也是我的感性和理性之间的平衡。第一次对神经科学和医学发生兴趣,出乎意料的竟是因为马勒的音乐:听着马勒的第五交响乐,我的情感被他那和谐緩慢的小柔板深深打动。从理性上,我想知道交响乐的振荡谐波为什么会诱使人体产生如此深沉而妙不可言的情感。为什么这些物理振动既能产生打动人心的美好体验,又能痊愈人们的身心感性和理性,我必须两者皆备,而且让它们相得益彰。



I have explored the dichotomies of art and science thoroughly but separately. In music, I have poured every fiber of my being into technically demanding and emotionally charged performances. As an orchestral flutist, I recall playing the dramatic last chord of Tchaikovsky’s Fifth with my colleagues onstage before a thunderous silence emanated through the concert hall and a man in the audience leapt to his feet. Years later, in a much more intimate setting, a doctor on the cancer floor motioned for me to enter the patient’s room. Surrounded by her family, the woman wept as I performed Bach. I did not know the prognosis for her cancer, nor did I know about her life, desires, or experiences before our paths crossed, but I was glad that I had the opportunity bring her an emotional escape, as transient as it was. However, I yearned to do more for her directly as a physician. As an artist, I used music to penetrate the psyche, but I aspired to have the tools to heal the physical body as well. For that moment though, I had used my pathos to affect another human being, empathizing with what it means to be finite.


我曾经努力探索和体会过艺术与科学的差异。在音乐上,我将我所有的才智和情感投入在表演之中。作为一名乐队长笛手,我记得一次柴可夫斯基第五交响乐的演出的经历,在演奏到最后戏剧性的和弦时,静穆的音乐厅里一位观众竟激动得跳了起来。几年以后,我在医院做志愿者,跟随医生来到一个肿瘤病人的房间,为病人和她的家人演奏了巴赫;在我的音乐声中这位病人澘然泪下。我不知道她的癌症预后如何,也不知道她的生活阅历和渴望,但是我很高兴我有机会为她带来短暂的情感解脱(安慰)。那一刻,我用我的感性安慰了一个人,也领会到了我所能做的是有限的。作为艺术家,我的音乐穿透人的心灵。然而,我更渴望我能够作为一名医生为她做得更多的事情,我希望有更多的工具和手段来痊愈人的身体。



In science, I learned to spearhead a research project with vigor but also to approach the analysis with well-tempered logic and even-keeled expectations. In the rhythmic humming of the MRI control room, I made sure the exacting parameters of data acquisition were in place before explaining to the participant their task and starting the scans. Later, I would preprocess, clean, and program these data to investigate the activation and connectivity of the brains of normal and clinical populations. My mentors and I had used our logos to address an unsolved question in the field.


在科研中我学会了用严密的逻辑分析和审慎的观点来组织一个研究项目。在节奏分明的核磁共振影像控制室里,我先设定严格的参数采集数据;在启动扫描前,向受试者解释他们的任务和期值。之后我会进行预处理,分组和编程,并分析这些数据,以研究正常人与病人大脑激活和联结的差异。我和导师用我们的理性来解决一个尚未解决的问题。



Both the artistic and the scientific thrilled me to the core, and I struggled to find a way to combine the two. Often, I was forced to choose one or the other, so I entered a PhD in cognitive neuro science. I lived for the thrill of conducting experiments that lead to the generation of new knowledge, but I felt constrained at not being able to personally translate and apply these basic science findings to clinical settings. It led me to consider career paths that would provide me with the education and skillset to conduct truly bench-to-bedside translational research while caring for patients. Though it was a difficult decision to leave the PhD, this introspective thought process made me more determined than ever to combine both scientific rigor and direct human contact in pursuit of a future career.


艺术和科学都令我心动,我一直努力着将两者合二为一。通常的情况是我只能选择其中之一。我曾进入了认知神经科学的博士研究,期望着用激动人心的实验成果来更新知识,探索未知,但是我苦恼于无法将这些科学发现亲自运用于临床实践。这使得我不得不重新考虑我的职业生涯,我想在治疗病人的同时用我的教育和技能真正实现从实验室到临床的转化。虽然离开博士研究是个艰难的决定,这个反省思维过程使我比以往更坚定了,要将严谨的科学和与人直接接触结合起来,作为我未来的职业。



I spent my post-baccalaureate years balancing between a full-time job and evening classes, pouring myself into the data and coursework. Somewhere in between Matlab, metastasis, and Mahler, I observed a surgeon who treated medicine as both art and science in a way that seamlessly blended the two.I watched as Dr. Z directed the procedures of the operation with assured logic while also treating the patient with empathy: in removing a tumor deeply embedded in the temporal lobe of the patient’s brain, Dr. Z made every effort to spare as much of the hippocampus as possible in order to enable the patient to retain a good portion of his memory. His fluid and precise movements reminded me of the way an expert musician effortlessly integrates both body and instrument in a way that looks effortless, the product of hours upon hours of training. I deeply admired Dr. Z’s attention to detail; when he invited us to come up close, I saw the smooth whiteness of the unscathed hippocampus with all traces of the tumor removed.Perhaps the balance between the impulses was not so separate. Music, science, and medicine are all founded on highly organized mathematical, logical, and calculated principles. However, the organized principles in these respective fields are stagnantly cut-and-dry without a humanistic touch. My strong research training coupled with my background in the arts allows me to combine scientific objectivity with humanistic subjectivity in medical practice.


大学毕业后,我花了四年时间在全职工作和繁重的医学预科课程之间寻找平衡。游走于Matlab,癌转移和马勒之间,我看到了一位外科医生完美地诠释了医学,他将艺术和科学天衣无缝地结合在了一起。我目睹了Z医生用理性的准确操作和深深的同情心摘除了患者大脑颞叶的深部肿瘤,他做了一切努力保留下尽可能多的海马体,让患者拥有大部分的记忆。Z医生流畅和精确的操作让我想到了异曲同工的音乐家通过常年练习,终能挥洒自如地将身体和乐器结合成完美的一体。我钦佩Z医生对细节的关注,当他邀请我们近距离观察时,我看到了肿瘤切除后光滑洁白毫发无伤的海马体!也许各种冲动之间的平衡是不能分开的。音乐、科学和医学都建立在高度组织的数学、逻辑和演算定律之上。然而,这些定律原则在其各自的领域却是那么溜滞呆板,缺乏人文气息。我经历过的严格的科研训练和艺术背景,将会极大地帮助我将科学的客观性和人文的主观性结合在日后的医学实践之中。



Through these experiences, I see how the crossing of paths of people, situations, and ideas are interesting facets to probe the logical and the emotional. I seek a career in medicine because I want to affect other human beings by elucidating the pathology of disease via the rationale of problem solving. I want to bring the knowledge I obtain as a scientist back to the patient as a clinician, finding the balance between logos and pathos on a human scale. I aim to conjoin these impulses in my future medical career to ultimately provide for others the nature of healing.


经过这些阅历,我看到了人生轨迹的交汇:不同的境遇,不同的理念,构成一个人不同的感性和理性。我选择医学,我想通过合理的解决问题和阐明病理来帮助、影响他人。我想把我作为一个科学工作者所获得的知识以临床医生的方式回馈给病人,同时在人性的尺度上找到感性和理性的平衡。我的目标是将这些内心的动力转换为未来医学生涯的动力,最终成为一名为人疗伤的医者。


(作者保留版权)


本文姊妹篇:

我为什么想学医 Why do I want to be a doctor


作者简介

潇潇,出生于华西附二院。现为布朗大学医学院学生。

译者简介

伍波,华西医科大学医学系八0级校友,现居美国德州,为执业精神科医师。作者的母亲。

 


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